The other kind of cookies. (We don't bake.)^*

Cookie Policy^*

Last updated: March 3, 2026

This Cookie Policy explains how AssRisk ("we," "us," "our") uses cookies and similar technologies on assrisk.com. It should be read together with our Privacy Policy. We use cookies to make the site work, to improve it, and (where you consent) to understand how you use it. No chocolate chips involved. Sadly.^*

1. What Are Cookies? (the kind in your browser, not your jar)^*

Cookies are small text files stored on your device when you visit a website. They are widely used to make sites function, remember preferences, and analyze traffic. Similar technologies include local storage, session storage, and pixels. We refer to these collectively as "cookies" in this policy where appropriate. We promise we're not sneaking anything weird in there. Just the usual. And asterisks. Always asterisks.^*

2. How We Use Cookies (the "why we're in your browser" part)^*

We use cookies to:

• Strictly necessary: Enable core functionality (e.g., security, load balancing, remembering cookie preferences). These are essential and generally do not require consent under applicable law. No joke—the site might break without them.^*
• Functional: Remember choices you make (e.g., language, region) to give you a more personalized experience. We're thoughtful like that.
• Analytics and performance: Understand how visitors use our site (e.g., pages viewed, traffic sources) so we can improve it. We may use first-party or third-party analytics providers. We want to know if you went straight to the booty jokes. We won't judge.^*
• Marketing (if applicable): Where we use cookies for advertising or retargeting, we will seek your consent where required by law (e.g., in the EEA/UK under ePrivacy/GDPR). Consent first. Always.

3. Types of Cookies We Use (first-party, third-party, session, persistent)^*

First-party cookies are set by us (assrisk.com). Third-party cookies are set by other domains (e.g., analytics or embedded content providers). We describe the main categories above; specific cookies may be listed in a cookie preference center or in updates to this policy. Session cookies are deleted when you close your browser; persistent cookies remain for a set period or until you delete them. We don't have 69 different cookie types. We're not monsters. Just thorough.^*

4. Your Choices (you're in control)^*

You can control cookies in several ways:

• Browser settings: Most browsers let you block or delete cookies. See your browser's help section (e.g., Chrome, Safari, Firefox, Edge). Blocking all cookies may affect site functionality. (The booty jokes will still load. The rest might not.)^*
• Opt-out links: For certain third-party analytics or advertising cookies, we may provide links to opt-out tools (e.g., industry opt-out pages).
• Cookie preferences: If we offer a cookie banner or preference center on our site, use it to manage your consent for non-essential cookies.

Where consent is required by law (e.g., non-essential cookies in the EEA/UK), we will not set those cookies until you have consented. We're 420% serious about that. No asterisk.^*

5. Third-Party Services (other people's cookies on our site)^*

Our site may include content or tools from third parties (e.g., fonts, analytics, video). Those parties may set their own cookies. We do not control their cookies; their use is governed by their respective privacy and cookie policies. We encourage you to review those policies. We can't cover their assets. Only ours. And yours, in our Privacy Policy.^*

6. Updates (we might change this—we'll tell you)^*

We may update this Cookie Policy from time to time to reflect changes in our practices, technology, or law. We will post the revised policy on this page and update the "Last updated" date. We may also notify you via our site or email where appropriate. Same deal as Privacy and Terms. We're consistent. And covered.^*

7. Contact (questions? we've got answers)^*

For questions about our use of cookies: AssRisk, assrisk.com. See our Privacy Policy for general contact details. We'll respond. We might even throw in an asterisk.^*

^* We take your privacy seriously—69% for compliance, 420% because it's the right thing. You can still have real cookies while you read this. We recommend it. We're covering our assets. And yours. See asterisk.